It’s OK to Not Be OK.
My current season is life is rough. Some days, I find my only victory is getting dressed. Self-care no longer looks like getting my nails done and sipping my favorite cold brew kicker with a soft top from my local Dutch Bros. Self-care looks like taking a shower or cooking instead of ordering from Door Dash again. It’s becoming harder and harder to keep up the same care-free, spunky persona so many people around me expect to see… which honestly, makes me feel worse about not being ok anymore.
Here’s the thing that keeps me pushing forward. I’ve finally told myself that it’s ok to not be ok. Not every day is going to be all unicorns and rainbows, but I also know deep down that not every day is going to continue to suck this badly. The same is true for you.
Just in case you need a little help finding the light in this fog, here are a few things I’ve been practicing during this season of crap.
It’s ok to pull back. If you need to pull back from social events or work obligations, it’s ok to do so. Please note, this idea needs to be done with great care. I am by no means advocating to drop all responsibility because you’re struggling. I’m simply stating to take a break from being the first to volunteer for an extra project or carpool. Sometimes, the best we can do is the bare minimum to keep ourselves going. Take inventory of what is necessary and what is extra, and do what you need to do to survive this stage of life.
Find at least one person to talk to. Talking to people during low periods of life is really hard. If you’re anything like me, isolation is highly appealing. I encourage you to stay engaged with at least one person that can be supportive. For me, I bounce back and forth between talking to my husband and one of my best friends. They help validate my feelings, as well as encourage me that this truly is only a season. They keep me from crawling too deep into my depression hole, but also allow me to retreat when necessary. I borrow their enthusiasm, courage, and hope to make it through the day.
Try to find the good. Ok, so this one can be a little difficult to do. I’m going to go ahead and start with this: give yourself a chance to find good, but also give yourself grace if you can’t that day. Just don’t stop trying. I once read, “Not every day is good, but there is good in every day.” I repeat that to myself often as I seek out goodness. Seeking the good helps fight those negative thought patterns and behaviors that tell you things will never get better. Good things can be simple: the sun shining, my dog smiling at me, corgi TikToks, a hot cup of coffee, my pillow… you get the picture? Oh, and here’s a tip within the tip: It’s ok to ask someone else what they saw and use that for your good thing of the day. Again, borrowing hope from someone else is sometimes the best we can do.
Seek professional help. Finding the right therapist can literally be a lifesaver. (I promise I’m not just saying that because I am one.) Therapists offer unbiased opinions that can lead you to finding new perspectives about life that friends cannot always guide you towards. Also, most therapists believe in giving their clients unconditional positive regard, meaning they typically won’t shame you for feeling low or tell you to “just get over it” because “life isn’t actually that bad.” And sometimes, that’s all you need.
Hang in there, friends. I know I’m trying to.